TADS2 bin v2.2.0'Wed Oct 9 00:26:28 1996 XSI:?@OBJ`O drNz NNN   is closed. N!NNOlocactorvobjN} D  N{D |pN} ! N.%You% can't reach   from  . Nv*NNO listOcnttotiNNN!N-HNJ@~NxNNNO objO-icounttotlistcurdisptotNNNNNN%VNB@NZ~ N pNN, =N N and ND, and NbNpN,N (being worn)4NE  (providing light)N?NIN]NcOobjprintOlistitotcntNM"Nf"N"N"N"CN"@N"N#N #N#``O parmN\$Nk$N$>>N$ OlOtotic totweightN &&N >&N J&N ^&N {&@N &N &N & N 'N -'wN 3'N L' O listO$itottotbulkremcurN)N)N)N)dN)@N*N#*NN*Nb*Nh*N* O amountN+&*** Your score has just changed. ***N,>ND,>>Nt, N#;lYou wander around in the dark, and don't get anywhere. If only you had an Acme Soopur-Bryte Cheez Lyte! NT; DDN In a total of >N ' turns, you have achieved a score of N > points out of a possible NR >.\bNu 1This means when you arrive upstairs, you'll be N >#N a floor sweeper. "N >&N a trainee salesman. N) >G#NK a floor showman. Ni >d*N an Acme Vice President! mN 0the President of ACME! Congrats, yu whin! \bNNow try \(Unnkulia Zero\)!\bNNNhhhN3\b*** You've Toddled Off To Salesman Heaven ***\bN N"8\bYou may restore a saved game, start over, or quit.\nN`O respN+Please enter RESTORE, RESTART, or QUIT: >N N RESTORE NFile to restoreN'! Restore failed. XNRRestore failed. /N>>N+NNN RESTART 4N N #N5 HN8 QUIT 1N] No N +N N @N N\b\b\b\b\b\bN4NIt's been a horrible day - no, a horrible week. And you were so looking forward to starting work as an Acme salesman! All through your childhood, growing up in the great cities of the north, you'd admired the salesmen with their spiffy mauve suits and bright orange ties. You'd waited eagerly for the day when you'd be handed your first sample Dam Tastee Cheez Kee, and your first customer would fork over his hard-earned cash for Acme products. N4N 3But you didn't think your bosses would send you down here, to this backwater near the Valley King's Underworld, right on the border with dread Unnkulia. And you certainly didn't expect those demons to waylay you en route - and you certainly didn't foresee the horrors they'd subject you to in their caverns before releasing you. (Shudder - you don't even like remembering. Perhaps that's the subject of another game...) And you really didn't expect to have to work out of the Golden Dragon Inn. And to top it all off, a bad-tempered warrior just returned a can of Acme Snayk Rhepellant and asked for his money back. You'll get heck from your supervisor when you get back, but what could you have done? None of these damn - oops, dam - Acme products work. You've grown quite disillusioned with the whole affair. NS4N9To make matters even worse, you haven't seen the bartender for over an hour. He wandered off into the back room and never returned. Alcohol's the only thing that makes living in the Forest of Radeekal bearable - perhaps you ought to go and find the man - \bNy>N!#N!#Ni5 N"N@@N'I'm afraid that you make no sense. N OoN) GND NY! FNu>GGN!NN N N)! INEC&>N!NNNhhO parmO elN>##N>%N>#N  D D  8N, )\bYou're starting feel a fuzz hungry. N_  D D oN `\bYou're feeling really hungry. You should find some food soon, or you'll probably pass out. N! D# ?N%!0\bYou can't go much longer without some eats. N_!(pN!M\bYou simply can't go on any longer without food. You keel over and croak. N!N!N!OoN*. NI.! Nd.(Nv.qN.(N.8N.%N/NP/!Nn//Nt/IIION)#No#<XQ\\OobjprintO cntNNNE NN=NL MNv N are sitting on  . NIN  is sitting on N . NNNN#E NnN^N N  seems to contain NN. NNNNE N=NrN00OobjprintO%listitotthisobjcntNN N&NANM{Nj@NE E NN N% N+ N; | | |d1#%G@@NQ>Nk\bN{\nNp---&/}OvN%"0vO actorNS<0D>1<NS<0NS<0<2NS2"0NSLNSOPOavdpiN}< < NŷAO objN% Dropped. N% &N%$340O objNt<33Nt*O actorO"tmplistthisobjitotNx<3NNNdN@N5N+<33NgNNO verbosityOlcuritotN˽N\b<N3<NSNlNySN@N 6NN NN8<ENh4N You see  here. NNտ\n\tNN!.N4N"NN<NNNN4@NF7HNs5 ,N\n\tN8NNNNiN'9N<<Nt<9N?O verbosityNd<9Nd<Nd :N<;N$<<NK<=Nr<>N<?N<@N<AN<BN5<CN\<DN<EN</Nd%You% can't go that way. !DCCC7Ns2<  < N2!N2MN2< , N3< N/3< \n\tNJ3CO verbosityNt3<N3< N3NO objN3< ! D<)N4< NA4D- - -&~CO actorN7Ӝ%You% can't have < . N72OactorioN0<NQCO actorNv%You% can't drop < . N2OactorioNӝ<NPOactorioN9%You% can't put <  anywhere. N9WPOactorioN%You% can't put <  anywhere. NCO actorNߞ%You% can't move < . N )N<>NOn <  %you% see%s% . N4N>There's nothing on < . NuNO actorNM8OactordobjNN! #Ny6< onin%N6< offout}"N98 << O#actorvdobjprepioN8! E " N)9NY9! E # E $ N9N9)N9O actorNR9uN:1%You're% not going anywhere until %you% get%s% N?:< of< . Ni:!N:$O actorN:<$O actorN:<sO actorNC;  DNC?;%You're% already < NCr;< ! NC;NC;hO actorN;Okay, %you're% now sitting < < . N <N,<-O actorN*R<<N*t<fO actorN]<Okay, %you're% now lying < < . N] =N]'="R|  inspect@OactorobjseqnoN,BN,C.x X#R| askS6OactorobjseqnoN0C .Sx X$}}}R tellS6OactorobjseqnoN+D .Sx X%4333! bed&,,{,{,~O objN#GO objNCG,"N?Ga <NG $NGthe <NG;NGIt looks like an ordinary < to me.-N*H%You% can't read <,. SOvdpiN)HYou have lost your mind. N)H*N)HNH"NH"|O objO mylocNGI< NgIBNI "NI|NINJ!NJ:N!J%You% can't see much through < .\n&O objO locNK< N5K4NGKN^K NxKN|K< NK< < NK NKN4LO actorNfL[Please specify the name of the game to save in double quotes, for example, SAVE "GAME1". NfLO actorN:M^Please specify the name of the game to restore in double quotes, for example, SAVE "GAME1". NbMO actorNwMgYou should type the name of a file to write the transcript to in quotes, for example, SCRIPT "LOG1". NwNxO actorN tNRYou should say what you want to say in double quotes, for example, SAY "HELLO". N NNO actorNN Pushing <  doesn't do anything. NNCO actorNO%You% can't wear < . NEOxO actorN%jO<  9N%O%You% already %have% < ! N%ON%O<N%PO actorO locNP< NP>NP  N-Q NNQNXQOvantageO ,locN>Q< N>Q! !N> R "N>RE "N>!T ! E  E  <N>T"N>T!N>U O actorN'U< ! kNTU  ?NU%You% can't reach that from !  . NUNUNU< D < zN.V< <N\V%You%'ll have to open !<   first. NV O actorO  locN& /W } ! N& kW"N& &X< N& DX } ! N& yX"N& X! !N& X D  "N& XN&  YN& 1Y!N& AY!N& XYQO actorO' totbulk totweightN7 Y <N7 Y N7  Z{N7 4Z<N7 gZ +N7 Z%Your% load is too heavy. }N7 Z 9N7 Z*%You've% already got %your% hands full. /N7 7[<&N7 [[ Taken. N7 r[N7 |[zO actorN~ [{:N~ [%You're% not carrying < ! N~ \N~ \<N~ C\2O actorN e\ N \GO actorN6 \%You're% not wearing < ! N6 \XO actorN ](I don't know how to put anything into < . N V]OactorioN ]! N ]<  @N ] <  is already in  ! N ^kN ^ D |>N X^%You% can't put <  in itself! N ^N ^<N ^DOactorioN ^<&N  _Done. N _MO actorN!E_There's no good surface on < . N!_OactorioNt_! Nt_<  @Nt_ <  is already on  ! Nt>`kNtH` D |>Nt`%You% can't put <  on itself! Nt`Nt`<Nt`DOactorioNja<&Nj7aDone. NjIaO actorNOa8OactordobjNaNaOactorioNa! E <|8N b <  isn't in  . NbbNlb<Nb2OactorioNb<NbO actorNc8OactordobjNEcNlcOactorioN6c! E <|8N6c <  isn't on  ! N6dN6d<N6fd2OactorioNd<NdQO actorNd!%You% can't plug anything into < . NeVOactorioNO>e%You% can't plug <  into anything. NO}eHO actorNeIt's not plugged into < . NeXOactorioN f! (It's not plugged into  . NVfEO actorNW}fThere's nothing in < . NWfSO actorNf#%You% can't see anything through < . NgHO actorNDgThere's nothing under < . NzgO actorNIg*O actorNkg<NkgKO actorNgI don't know how to read < . N0hIO actorN[hThere's nothing behind < . NhRO actorN;h Turning <  doesn't have any effect. N;hWOactorioN$i Turning <  doesn't have any effect. NdiWOactorioNi Turning <  doesn't have any effect. NiEO actorNMiI don't know how to do that. NMjNO actorNFjI don't know how to turn <  on. NjOO actorNjI don't know how to turn <  off. NjO actorNAj8OactordobjNc3kNc[krOactorioNkSurely, %you% can't think < Nk knows anything about it! NkO actorNk8OactordobjN;0lN;Yl_OactorioNylIt doesn't look as though <  is interested. NylO actorNl  4N'm%You're% not in < ! N[mJNem< ! 8Nm%You% can't get out of < ! NmNmO actorNm<XN!n%You%'ll have to unfasten   Ngn first. NxncNnOkay, %you're% no longer in < . Nn<Nn< &NoNo[OactorioNxAo Attacking <  doesn't appear productive. NxoYO actorNo)It's not very effective to attack with < . NoNO actorN8p <  doesn't appear appetizing. N8YpNO actorNp <  doesn't appear appetizing. NpOactorioNp{:Nq%You're% not carrying < . NWqNaq<NqDOactorioNeq<&NeqDone. NeqRO actorNr Pulling <  doesn't have any effect. NFrOactorioNrr{:Nr%You're% not carrying < . NrNr<NsROactorioN=s%You% miss%es%. NYs <&NsoO actorNs{ANs%You% could at least drop <  first. NtN)t8OactordobjNYTtNY{tOactorioNt{:Nt%You're% not carrying < . NuN u<NIuROactorioNru%You% miss%es%. Nu <&NuzO actorNtu{:Ntv%You're% not carrying < . NtLvNtVv<NtvEO actorNv Thrown. Nv <&Nv!OactorioN?  wTOactorioNf 2w! $   isn't impressed. Nf ywDO actorN w <  isn't impressed. N wLO actorN !w <  looks a bit cleaner now. N !6x!OactorioN\!#<$#NJ!<&NJ $N>%1& 'Nץ < N0 can be turned to settings numbered from 1 to !<&. It's currently set to !<'. NxO actorN~((O actorN-2NϦ!OactorioNզ)OactorioN6 N6>>D ><& 3N6There's no such setting! N6N6ͧ><' UN6>'N6>Okay, it's now turned to <'. N69N6It's already set to <'! N6N6KN6%I don't know how to turn < N6\ to that. N6vN62`    to3*O actorN+O actorN9P<,,N9|Okay, <  is now switched N9<, onoffN9. N9GO actorN<,It's already turned on! NN-QO actorNr",NOkay, it's now turned on. NIO actorNi߬<,It's already turned off! Ni.RO actorNB!,N`Okay, it's now turned off. N400N>N\tN5m m m? N7You're a rather scruffy-looking Acme salesman with a particularly big nose. On the whole, I think you'd rather be a gnooby. N7vN!8jYou're wearing a bird mask that's so goofy-looking it wouldn't even fool the King's nearsighted droll. Ne8Nh8N8iN8PBe more specific - what on your person are you trying to attach the cord to? N95N09Yeah, same to your mama. NV9CNs9*Acme salesmen revel in dirt and grime. N96OremcurtotiN<F"N >GN%N<NEZN\@Np|E "NNN!NO#actorvdobjprepioN <E HE I=N T%You% can't see a thing. N v*N N )N =N<)NIn the dark.NTO verbosityN#<) NNIt's pitch black. NjIN<)&N N!NNxOvN<D ID H "7NRIt's pitch black.\nNn!NN7% ground,  the groundEN>5 8 E<J" LN64A few of the creaky floorboards are quite loose. NxN>5 8 NiSome of the floorboards have been pulled up, revealing a wooden stairway plunging down into darkness. N::NQ.I don't see much special about the ground. N HN>5  N<KN>5 NuO actorNOkay, %you're% now lying on < . N KN&N1LN7-O actorNll<NlM5OactordoNNN5OactordoNNNOCN=>5 8 @Nd1Not even an Acme salesman can move the world! N<JjN[You've already pulled up the loose floorboards, and they're too bulky to take with you. jNS You pull up the loosest floorboards. Interestingly enough, they're not even nailed in - it's almost like a hidden trap-door. Moving the boards reveals a wooden stairway, plunging into darkness. From below, you can faintly hear what sounds like weepy muttering. N"JN N89&N8:&N3N>POO8 Inn, Back RoomN34N?4You're standing in the disgustingly clean back room of the Golden Dragon Inn. The walls have recently been whitewashed, and the floor is freshly scrubbed. No4<" N4iYou thought you saw the innkeeper come back here, but maybe you were wrong - he's nowhere to be seen. N#5"NE5NQ5>7JN5gA few of the floorboards have been pulled up, revealing a wooden stairway descending into darkness. N6CN_67The floorboards creak underfoot, groaning with age. Nz64N7There's not much back here, not even an empty bucket. The only exit is back to the main room of the inn, to the southwest. N)7C?vNS7>7JN7N7<N7You can't go that way. N7!N8N89 weepy muttering VN1="Damn bar (moan!) - hate this place - hic - more beer - " NE2:@ wooden stairwayN2LN3 You climb down the stairs. \bN23>5NW3;=~  27`OvdpiNK <  doesn't appear interested. NK*NK{%O objN|8/NI <, is here. NsqO itemN <  is carrying  N! and won't let %youm% have it. NQDO actorN$But <  is right here! NV&CO objNx<R< <R&N)&Np heq hisr he'ss himt he'su sv esw hasx doesy is<;=I>  <N<ST0N <  is no longer here. )OvdpiNq:<8NjSQO actorNU5O actorN<S N!?<&OvN<  you  yourself,  yourself %%You look about the same as always. # QKO actorN  You can't follow yourself! N*0O verbdobjprepiobjNcO roomN4N4V#N4W<N4N4< D N4; N4RHN4j<  < N4 N4N4N4N4&,O roomN 3 N Rp youq yourr you'res yout you'veu v w havex doy are@A8888O actorNFB`JJJ)XQN<4N(Taking off <  first)\nN5N86O actorNnZ<XNnr)Nn;OactorioN<XN)N;OactorioN<XN )N;OactorioN,D<XN,\)N,l;OactorioNm<XNm)Nm;OactorioN<XN)N6O actorN3<XNK)NZ&5O objN+U!N+q)&N+O actorNf<=Nf%You're% already wearing < ! NfINf{4NfL%You% %do%n't have < . NfNfY\O actorNOkay, %you're% now wearing < . N"NaO actorN|.<6N|W%You're% not wearing < . N|N|ZbO actorN#Okay, %you're% no longer wearing < . N!NCVD    C[WN<z <\N6<]E<^jNp"zN<_ "<_zN (Opening !< )\nN<\N ]N%You%'ll have to open !<  first. NNNb!NvNy`eO actorN*<zIt's already open. "N*<]It's locked. N*aXO actorN Opened. N2"zNH<_ "<_zN~bEO actorN<zIt's already closed. NcXO actorN> Closed. N>!zN>(<_ !<_zN>]dO actorN<]It's already locked! aN<eIt can't be locked. 6N<z&#%You%'ll have to close it first. N/fO actorNHQ<g! JNHt Locked. NH"]NH<_ "<_]NHNH-ENHhAO actorN,<]It's not locked! NbiO actorN<g! LN Unlocked. N!]N<_ !<_]N N -EN3 jOactorioN` <]It's already locked. N <eIt can't be locked. N <g! 9N *%You% %do%n't need anything to lock it. 6N <z&#%You%'ll have to close it first. N\ kOactorioN <g JN  Locked. N "]N <_ "<_]N 'N It doesn't fit the lock. N7 lOactorioNCf <]It's not locked! JNC <g! 8NC ,%You% %do%n't need anything to unlock it. NC mOactorioN <g LN;  Unlocked. NN !]Ni <_ !<_]N 'N It doesn't fit the lock. N N <z It's open. RN <] It's closed and locked. ND It's closed. N_ Nb Ed""" withG$"""De]H  )}N no$O actorN9<p$O actorNc<dO actorNG  5Nv%You're% already in < ! NNZO actorNOkay, %you're% now in < . N&N1qNJ8%You're% not going anywhere until %you% get%s% out of N< . N!NEN< I  ) zqN<E< >NQIn <  %you% see%s% . N4NThere's nothing in < . NNO actorN$NOactordobjNM< < <N%You% can't fit that in < . N NNN"O actorN( *O actorNd<NxJ  IN<zN<zxN/ < NJ<z0Ne is open. Nx)NN is closed. Nz`]O actorN<z3N <  is already open! N,N/aO actorN<Q<>N<z Opening <  reveals . N<N< Opened. N<"zN<b`O actorN<z5N1 <  is already closed! NdNgc?O actorN7 Closed. N7!zN7XO actorN|<z-N| <  is closed. N|&N|)=O actorNP<zIt's closed. NKJa]O actorN <]'N It's locked. N!N#!)aN=!dVO actorNzb!<],Nz!It's already locked! Nz!Nz!fO actorN!<zAN!%You%'ll have to close <  first. N@".Na" Locked. Ny""]N"N"hAO actorNs"<]It's not locked! Ns#iAO actorN'# Unlocked. N=#!]N[#jIOactorioN#<]It's already locked. N#lFOactorioNP#<]It's not locked! NP#$LKgf(O actorN%-EN%i(O actorNK%-ENK%kOactorioNy'&<zHNyL&%You% can't lock !<  when it's open. Ny&jNy&<g 1Ny& Locked. Ny&"]Ny''Ny 'It doesn't fit the lock. Ny7'mOactorioN^c'<g 3N^' Unlocked. N^'!]N^''N^'It doesn't fit the lock. N^'M)rO actorN(s8OactordobjN9)mN92)tO actorNw8)u8OactordobjN~)kN)N)N*"jO objN0<+<E<z:N0o+%You% will have to open !<  first. N0+a?O actorN+"zN+ Opened. N,O   that, that that!OactorioNC-v<OactorioNj-"Tap, tap, tap, tap..." O actorN-w/OactordobjN.)Q that, that that!OactorioNA/v<OactorioNh/"Tap, tap, tap, tap..." O actorN40xiO actorNl0<N0Save failed. N0 Saved. N0+N0O actorN;0yO actorN]1<!N]<1Restore failed. ;N]l1 Restored. N]1>>N]1N]1+N]1O actorN1zYO actorN 2<N*2Writing script file. NK2+NZ2O actorNv`2{=O actorN2 Okay, "<".N2R````|@OactorobjseqnoN<N<}OactorobjnameNa,=3NaU=I don't see any ! here. 8Na=%You% can't do that with ! . Na=@OactorobjseqnoN=N&> OactorprepioNT`><|NTv>  ! |NT>  ! 4NT>   !NTM? NT?!NT? NT?NT?!NT @ OactorprepN]F@<|N]\@  ! |N]@  ! 4N]@   !N]3A N]}A!N]A N]AN]A!N]ASd### aboutT|;;;R follow.QUx XUCCCR dig inE.E~x XV|999RNjF>5 W E X" E Y" NF5Z&NKG>You suicidally leap down the chimney, and find yourself - \bNgG![0NG"5NG[>5NGC[NGNH Wheeee!N'H.x XW6 Top of ChimneyNe4Ne>5" NgYou're in a small chamber at the top of a natural chimney. The chimney slopes slightly toward the south, but mostly, it just goes straight down, plummeting deep through the dark stone. You certainly can't see the bottom. An iron hook is embedded in the wall here, but otherwise there's not much of interest. A passage slopes down slightly to the southwest, and a more level tunnel runs east. NhN iYou're at the top of the natural chimney, but you're rising so quickly, you don't really have time to enjoy the scenery; I'd suggest letting go of the cheezdom pretty soon. N iN,iCfNDi>XE 5>Z|NieBefore leaving the chamber, you unhook the bungee cord from the iron hook and take it with you. \bNj!XN4jN@j>YE 5>Z|Nj^Before leaving the chamber, you unhook the bungee cord from your belt and leave it behind. Nk!YN'kN3kNPk?NkSClimbing down the smooth walls of the natural chimney would be certain suicide. Nk>YE>XYNLlDIf you're dead set on going down there, why don't you just jump? NllNxl!Nl<hNl>XE 5>Z|N5meBefore leaving the chamber, you unhook the bungee cord from the iron hook and take it with you. \bNvm!XNmNm>YE 5>Z|N8n`Before leaving the chamber, you unhook the bungee cord from your belt and leave it behind. \bNon!YNnNnNnXh$$$@  iron hook, an iron hook The iron hook is old and rusty, but quite sturdy; you can't move it at all. Its purpose here is unclear, but it does suggest these caves were once inhabited. WN`OactordoN5a<FNQa7There's a bungee cord already attached to the hook. NaZ hN bAOkay, one end of the bungee cord is now attached to the hook. N$b"NFb2N_b&You can't attach that to the hook. NbY`  B leather belt The belt's marvelous workmanship, hand-tooled fine leather. It's probably worth something. Clearly, it wasn't made by Acme. N 2@gThere's no way to attach the belt to anything; try the other way around (i.e., attach 'x' to belt.) N l@N s@OactordoNq @<" WNq AHThere's no reason to attach anything to the belt you're not wearing. Nq :AZ E<" nNq AGYou slip one hook of the bungee cord through one of the belt loops. Nq A"Nq BNq BZ 5Nq =B&It's already attached to the belt. BNq B6I don't see any reason to attach that to the belt. Nq BN B~OactordoN" CZ N" 4C>ZN" TC0N" mC$That's not attached to the belt! N" CWN C<:N C.You'd better unhook the bungee cord first. N DZ)  bungee cordN The bungee cord is mauve and green. It's got little hooks on either end. Tiny lettering along the cord reads "Acme Kwik-Snahpin Bhungi Khord - Dam Sayfe!" N >XE>YN kqOne end is attached to the iron hook in the wall, and the other is hooked on the leather belt you're wearing. N >XPN AOne end of the cord is attached to the iron hook in the wall. eN 6>YSN GOne end of the cord is attached to the leather belt you're wearing. N  5N !UN T>YD>X-N !You'd better unhook it first. N UN >YD>X-N !You'd better unhook it first. N 2N 9,N b>YD>XN (Unhooking the cord)\nN !YN !XN >5  E>5}N eYou unhook the cord from your belt at the very bottom of the fall, and nimbly step to the ground. N N  )N 1 N J )N d N k N ~N >YSN -(Unhooking the cord from your belt first)\nN !!YN /!N ;!)N Q!ZqN o!>YFN !.You'd better unhook the bungee cord first. N !N !)ZN "N "[6}Nwo>52No#Falling through a Natural Chimney.No"Rising through a Natural ChimneyNppNp4N,p>5N,qYou're plummeting down through a natural chimney, and don't have much time to examine the scenery. But you can see a narrow ledge lining the chimney around you. Unfortunately, the ledge is nowhere near big enough to stand on. NoqFNr:You're swiftly rising up a natural chimney, hanging from a rapidly deflating yellow balloon. Below you are some rather dangerous-looking sharp rocks, and above you is only darkness. A narrow ledge, nowhere near big enough to stand on, lines the wall of the chimney here, but there's nothing else of interest. NsOavdpiNDs_ E 5|E Z mNs You drop Ns $. It plummets down the chimney. Ns&NtQNt_ E 5|TN[t<I don't think you should drop the bungee cord right now. NtNth Nt)Nt>5;Nu,You're falling much too fast to do that. rNufTo do that, you'd have to let go of the balloon, and I don't think you'd better do that right now. Nu*NuhNv#\bYou fall further, and soon - \bN3v>5NXvCNv\|999R push.x X]CCCR attach2.2x X^|999R wear.Yx X_R drop ;OactorprepioN#JN#@J.!`Mx X``    onaMMMR  take off.!Zx Xbbd""" fromc|999R open.`ax Xd|:::R close.bcx XeR putf LOactorprepioN*Lh N*L.1fNx X`MgMf`    ingd""" overhXR take Oactorprepio O9#retremcurrem2cur2totitot2 jN?N N?Oj D i D f D ` D b E! N?ON? PN?PN?2PWN?QP@N?iP N?PN?PN?PN?PN?Q  !N?Q  N?Q N?RN?*RN?3RN?XR@N?lR N?RE zD E 7N?(SN?RSN?pS N?~S tN?S @N?SE N?#TN?=TN?BT  N?fTN?|TN?T3N?TN?TN?TN?TN? UwN?UN?.U.aix Xjbf ` id!!! offjd!!! outkAAAR plugf.fx Xl|<<<R  look in. x XmJJJR screw.!Ex XnLLLR  unscrew.!Ex XoYYYR turn.12w)x XE(p|;;;R switch.*+x Xq|999R flip.x Xr|<<<R  turn on.-x Xs===R  turn off..x XtNNNR2O actorNY" NYu|;;;R sit on.x Xv|;;;R lie on.x XwR  get out of rOactorprepioN)[ E   N)[  N)\ N)\.x Xx|;;;R get on.x XyXRzTTTR8O actorN]Time passes...\nN]{(RO actorN4^qNd^%You% %have% . N^!+N^N^"N2_N9_)NI_%You% %are% empty-handed.\nNt_|AAAR look through.x X}CCCR attackE.Ex X~|:::R climb.x Xx888R eat."x X|:::R drink.x XGGGR| give2.2x X|999R pull.Ox X|999R read.!x XRRRR throw.!x X2`    at===R  stand on.x XR standO actorN$d ! D  ! ,N$d%You're% already standing! #N$e N$FeN$PeeeeRIO actorNe#Nice weather we've been having.\nNeGGGR| show2.2x XJJJR clean.!Ex Xx888R say.{x XbbbR yell:Ng!Your throat is a bit sore now. NgYYYR move.1Ex X2P|;;;R fasten.x X===R  unfasten.x XKKKR unplug.!bx X???R  look under.x X@@@R  look behind.x XAAAR type`.`vx XQQQR lockE.!Etujkx XdfSSSR unlockE.!Erslmx XhiSSSRb detach.!bx X}}}R sleepTO actorN$m.You don't have the time to waste on a nap. N$m|999R poke.x X|:::R touch.x X???R  move north.x X???R  move south.x X>>>R  move east.x X>>>R  move west.x XCCCR move northeast.x XCCCR move northwest.x XCCCR move southeast.x XCCCR move southwest.x X|;;;R center.x XRHwww+O actorNt<*O actorNHRIL   O actorO yesnoN'+ N'@.\bDo you really want to quit? (YES or NO) > N'xN'\bN' *N'N'N' N'+Okay. N'AN'K+N'SrO actorNOkay, now in WORDY mode.\nNς"1N">5 N+Nyyy]O actorNjOkay, now in TERSE mode.\nN!1N+NPPP4O actorN  N+N'T saveO actorO#savefileN3File to save game inN3! D  N3  Failed. EN3N37Saved failed. N3T Saved. N3d+N3l.xx XBBB  restoreO actorO&savefileN6File to restore game fromN68! D  N6` Failed. mN6q!N6Restore failed. ;N6>>N6 Restored. N6N6+N6.yx XHO actorO scriptfileN'File to write transcript toN'! D  N' Failed. =N'N'Writing script file. N':N'=+N'E.zx XmmmQO actorN!NScript closed.\nNɈ+N؈JJJ.O actorO yesnoN';"N'\5Are you sure you want to start over? (YES or NO) > N'N' LN'\nN'N'#N',+N'C?N'Q *N' \nOkay.\nN'+N'N'ÊN'͊SSS7O actorNN2+NAbbb|NB-c\(Unnkulia One-Half: The Salesman Triumphant\)\n Version 1.0G for Great Underground Adventures CDNw-lN-<\nN.Copyright (C) 1993, 1996 D.\ A.\ Leary\n All rights reserved.\n Developed with TADS, the Text Adventure Development System.\b Difficulty Rating: Trivial (2 out of 10)\bNO.***N04No1This game is free. We encourage you to distribute it, but you may not charge any money for it beyond the cost of the media it is stored on.N14N2.\(ADVENTIONS\) no longer supports this product. Please do not contact us for hints or to buy games. The best place to get our games is from the Interactive Fiction Archive on the Internet, site ftp.gmd.de. The best place to ask for help with our games is the Usenet newsgroup rec.games.int-fiction.N2***N24Read footnotes N#3. with the note command; e.g., type "note 1."ND3***NR3TNd3;Footnote markers are numbers enclosed in square brackets.N3wO actorN$CN7You can't think this game has any bugs left in it... N܋+N,O actorNo%E%`N(Undoing one command)\bN">5 N͌>>N5N)No more undo information is available. N6+N>h%%%  betweend$$$ aroundh%%%  throughd### northd### underd$$$ behindT!@ wooden chair ;;Seated on an Uncomfortable Chair in the Golden Dragon Inn }.NG}>N]]]  In the InnN4N>5  :N"You're seated at the only table NDN]You're standing N>in the Golden Dragon Inn, a real dump in the middle of the Radeekal Forest. It's decorated in earth tones - not a mauve or orange speck in sight! (If you were in charge, you'd make this place a lot more snazzy.) N}<" |N4N EThe inn has been your base of operations for the past few days - your boss wouldn't even spring for an office. Well, by golly, you'll show him! Even though most of your samples have been stolen, you've still got a few choice items to hock to the gullible locals. These Valley folk are real hicks - they'll buy anything! NX "Nz N 4N  There's not much of interest here. A mahogany bar lines one wall, but besides that, and the lone table and chair, this hellhole doesn't have much to offer. The exit to the inn is to the west, and there's an open doorway leading to the back room to the northeast. N =@8$$O numOionoteslenN>N0NGNPNd@Nu. ;N[]:\ NNNNrNNo such footnote.NOoN*.! =NB>.Nd>NN[.]\ \ Nw-p/ / /@ nose,  your nose Your nose is especially large and bulbous. You can't really see it very well. It's a bit stuffed up; some of the plants in this part of the country really get your hayfever going. N5>5 2ND5Gross! Cut that out! Ng5aN5HPOOOOT! That didn't help much. What you really need is an inhaler. N5<N5#Hah! Good trick THAT would be. N%62NB6How can you avoid it? Ne6yyyB ceremonial mask **The ceremonial mask is (not surprisingly) shaped like a bird's head. Luckily, it's your size. Gee, no one would ever recognize you in this! (Hah, hah. Actually the mask is pretty cheezy, made out of leaves and bark. If you didn't know any better, you might suspect it was produced by Acme.) )@ forest, a tree The fall colors have really kicked in - red, gold, and orange swaths ripple in the gentle breezes. Frankly, though, you think the leaves would look better if there were a few mauve ones thrown in. NThough you've seen the silly Valley folk scampering through the branches, it's hardly a suitable activity for a respectable Acme salesman. Besides, the trees in this part of the wood are too thin or old to climb safely. NNThere are six hundred thousand eight hundred and twenty-two (600,822) trees in the Forest of Radeekal. Each has between one and six thousand (1,000 - 6,000) leaves. You do the math. N@ path 88There's nothing particularly special about the path. QCN*Which direction do you want to travel? Nljjj@ NNYou weenie! Must you examine every noun in the descriptions? Get a life! @ You can't examine a sound! cN&JSounds are rather insubstantial; you might find it hard to carry them. NB0---@ natural chimney)NpN9>5  E " ZNE"Tails!" the gambler shouts as the coin flies up through the air. NN<" UN*=It comes up heads. I think it's weighted a little funny. NvRN=It comes up tails. I think it's weighted a little funny. NN>5 > E >"  NG <" 4N "Phooey!" the gambler mutters. "I almost never lose. If I didn't know better, I'd think you cheated me." He sighs. "A deal's a deal. Here's your key." He tosses a silver key, which you catch. "Now get out of my sight." N 5&N "N  N5 N. "Hah!" the gambler chuckles, picking up the coin. "Nice try, sucker." His eyes narrow. "Like another go? If you've got more coins we can try again." NL !<&Nt N N D    <  little manN =The man is short and thin, and dressed in fine black silk clothing. He's got a cunning, rat-like look to his face. "Hey, what're you looking at?" he mutters. N <>8N [>4N >ZThere's a thin little man here, leaning against the wall and chewing a piece of straw. N ><" N @"Ah, a visitor," he says, beaming. "Greetings. It's been ages since I've seen anyone. My name's Les Vayghas. Are you - " The man's eyes narrow. "Oh, I know you. You're that Acme salesman. Well, we've got something in common." He walks over and shakes your hand vigorously. "The King threw me out of the Valley too. Since then, I've lived in these caves. It's not too bad, but I've been trying to get away." N A"N ?AN KA>N AHe glances you up and down and rolls his eyes. "Ugh. Do you really think that mask could fool anybody? You look like an idiot." N &BN 1B5>|D 5>|D 5>|N B<" <N B$"Go away," he mutters irritably. N C\N OC4N :F4The man's eyes narrow speculatively. "You look like a person in need of something - perhaps this glittering bauble might come in handy, hmm?" He holds up a silver key. You reach for it, but he pulls it away, waggling his finger. "Ah - not so fast. How about a game? I'm a gambling man, and I see you've got a coin there. How about a little bet? Flip your coin, and I'll call it in the air. If I win, I take the coin. If you win, you can have the key. Deal?" Without waiting for a response, the man pockets the key, then nods at you. "Go on. Flip." N aFN qFN |F<" SN F;"You've already beaten me," the man growls. "Go away." N FeN UGYThe man shrugs. "Too bad you don't have a coin or something. We might play a game." N G OvdpiN &N<NH:NYou take a few steps along the northern road, but then think the better of it. Your boss told you not to come back until you'd sold every bit of cheez he gave you. \bN*!NC<DC` ` /@ sign SSThere's a picture of a coiled yellow serpent and the words "Golden Dragon Inn." JNx 1The sign's securely attached to the building. N LN 3The sign waves back and forth when you push it. N tNu [I don't think you're getting the sign off the building, if that's what you're thinking. N VVV breeze,N#Ah! Fresh air! NA@ inn, an inn oNpN>5:N !Why don't you just go inside? N8,  @  warrior !!I don't see any warrior here. QN(jI don't think following a Valley Warrior around is the best plan. Besides, he's already out of sight. N`!<&N9N There's no warrior in sight. N\NCIf there were a warrior here, he'd probably smell rather gamey. N9 N@CNiThe warrior isn't here. N!<&Nhhh)  pickaxe uuThe pickaxe is a handy mining tool. It's quality workmanship - and (it goes without saying) not an Acme product. N I2OactordoN 2 N 2>@N 21There's already a big hole in the brick wall. >N 3< "  N ]4You brace yourself and smash the brick wall with the pickaxe, hitting smack in the center of one of the bricks. Your shoulders are nearly jarred out of their sockets, and the wall's barely dented; this job could take a while. N 4" N 4!N S7This time, the pickaxe bites between two bricks, and imbeds itself deep in the crumbling mortar. You yank it out, and bring several bricks with it. In a few moments, you've smashed a large hole through the wall, revealing a dark space beyond. A cold breeze blows through the hole; whatever you've broken into, it sure is big. The innkeeper rouses himself long enough to stare at the wall. "Urk," he mutters. "Hope you're going to buy this place. I don't wanna have to fix that." N |7"N 7 N 7N 7N 7Z rN U8Z\bYou try to cut the cord with the pickaxe, but the pick bounces off the springy cord. N 8FN 81That's not a suitable target for the pickaxe. N 8N 8)  yellow ballGN ,The ball is yellow and full of holes. It's rather heavy. Tiny raised letters read "Acme Dam-Lite Whiphulbawl: 100% S'whiss Cheez!" N .,N , You've seen these before; they're top-notch toys for tots. Most of them don't glow, however; this one is giving off a pale green light. N , N %."I think I do believe in eternal punishment." - Lord Dunsany. Thanx to David Librik for pointing out some unintentional plagiarism. N >.DN ^.+Not surprisingly, it smells like WD-40. N .N ."N /As an Acme salesman, you should know better, but you nevertheless decide to choke down the whiffleball. Not only is it cheez, but for some reason it's extremely radioactive. Your intestines are quickly burned out and it's not long after that - N /N /fN W0MThere's one (1) whiffleball. It's got fifty-six (56) little holes in it. N q0 N x0 rN 0ETHWUP! The ball hits the floor with a wet sound and stays there. N 0>5 <&N &1  Forest PathN4NRYou're strolling along a winding forest path. The path forks here - trails lead northeast, south, and west. You're deep in the heart of the Valley King's turf now - he told you not to stray too far from the inn unless you want to (gulp) suffer the fate of the other Acme salesmen. I wouldn't wander around too much if I were you. Tall oak trees overhang the trail, and dappled sunlight shines through the leaves. A radberry bush stands by the side of the road, but it's been picked clean. Nv@=N+I really don't think you want to wander the woods without the Valley King's permission, especially not with the Valley Patrol standing right here. NT!Nm;Nt<=>UN/What are you trying to do, climb the trees? N!N NfN:\bYou shinny up the nearest tree, and find yourself - \bN>5N;  Up a TreeN/4N0You're seated on a limb about halfway up an aged oak tree. Below you, you can hear the Valley Patrol muttering amongst themselves. Above you, the limbs are too thin to climb further. You can climb back down or stay where you are. N0?>VN10The limbs above are too weak to support you. N;1!NT1` p000@  radberry bush|NcThe bush has been picked clean - there's not even a single berry left! Someone was a real hog. NJuN\There's no radberries left to pick. Besides, it's the Valley King's private berry bush. Nx666 dappled sunlight   I@  bird's nest6N [Perched on the same limb with you, a few feet out, is a recently-completed bird's nest. N   CN 7There's a scruffy-looking bird sitting on the nest. N6! N!NOactordoN%! N%!>" N%")N\N%^" \bDone. N%|">&N%">" N%"CN%#N%#N%)#)NN%D#N^#>5  {N#oSuddenly, a scruffy-looking bird settles on the nest. It fixes you with a watery stare and squawks loudly. N$>&N1$"NO$<" -N|$ N$"N$N$CN$xN%!N!%>5  NQ%>|" vN%MThe bird suddenly takes off with a sickly squawk and wings its way north. N%!>&N'&N'$Suddenly, there's a crackling sound from underneath the bird. The bird shifts with an irritated squawk, then takes off. Underneath, in the nest, a miracle - a baby chick, cute and fluffy! It looks up at you with big, blue eyes and chirps something that sounds suspiciously like "Mama." N'&N(!>&N6(!>&N^( N(N(-N(!>&N(!>&N(N)  @  scruffy bird6 MMSeated on the nest, trying to get comfortable, is a scruffy-looking bird. NQ*lThe bird is hideous, with watery eyes, drooping feathers, and scrawny legs. It's squatting on the nest. N*N?+The bird's scraggly feathers prevent you from looking under the creature, and when you reach in to move the bird, it snaps at your hand. NZ+RNy+9Somehow, I don't think the bird will accommodate you. N+N+N6,wWhen you try to move the bird, it snaps at your hand. I think the creature's pretty intent on staying where it is. Nx,POX X X) egg, an egg,N r5The egg is quite tiny, and covered in blue spots. N <" N It's hard boiled, and smells terrific; these little taste treats are Golden Dragon specialties. It's not quite up there with Acme's Eeestur-Tyme Cheez Ehgs, but still pretty tasty. N N  N "N <" VN Mmm! It's damn tasty! N !<&N 5#N \N sYick! You had to eat raw eggs at the Acme Salesman Initiation Ceremony, and you vowed to never eat them again. N N (N /N Z<" aN RMmm! It's getting a little cold, but the boiled egg still smells scrumptious. 0N $It smells like a raw bird's egg. N ,  ) adorable chick, an adorable chick N SThe tiny bird is yellow and fuzzy, and quite adorable. It looks up at you and chirps once, fixing you with big blue eyes. It might make a good snack for Kitee-Kat (your Acme Dam-Lovabul P'het) when you get home; maybe you should keep it. N dN "N .yGULP! The chick squirms a little going down, but soon hits bottom and stops moving around. Gee, that filled you up! N u#N !<&N YN @A dead bird's pretty useless; I'd advise against killing it. N (GN H.The chick tweets happily as you stroke it. N hN @You'd probably better wait until the chick gets a bit older. N N zN iaThe chick will be a well trained Mayle Deliveree Byrd by the time of "Unnkulian Unventure 1." N $@ limb 22The tree limbs around you look dry and rotten. N-OactordoNx-Z zNx-.bThe tree limbs are dry and rotten; if you tried to bungee-jump from them, you'd surely perish. Nxj.7Nx.+You can't attach that to the tree limb! Nx. }N"/dYou don't need the tree limbs. You've got a few khordz of Acme Burr-nha-bul Fyre Whood at home. NU/  Wine Cellar-N?4NJAYou're in what appears to be the inn's wine cellar. A huge cask stands against the north wall, and the air is damp and musty. An empty wine-rack lines the south wall. The eastern wall is brick, but the western wall is solid stone; the inn must have been built over a gash in the earth, and brick used to shore up the foundation on the open sides. A stairway climbs up to the inn. NA>sNA^A sizable hole has been bashed through the brick wall, revealing a dark space to the east. N3BN?B>8<mNlB>NB<NBYou can't go that way. NB!NCNCT@  brick wallNo80The brick wall looks like a recent addition. N8<EN89Some mindless idiot has bashed a big hole through it. N9 N9|To bash down the brick wall, you'd need to hit it with a suitable tool, and even then, I'm not sure you'd be successful. N9 N1:xN:_Tapping on the brick wall produces a hollow sound; I think there's an open space behind it. N:@  other walls hhThe only wall of interest is the eastern one. It's made of brick, and looks like a recent addition.  @ cask RROnce, the huge cask probably contained beer or wine. Now, it's totally empty. ?N<&Yick! Smells like fermented beer. N< `dNx=KThe innkeeper won't let you. "Mine," he says, eyeing you suspiciously. N=N>pThe innkeeper won't let you near the cask. "Mine," he says, clutching the cask and eyeing you suspiciously. N=>8@  wine rack LLThe wine rack's empty. No wonder the innkeeper wants to sell this dump. BN9?)There's nothing behind the wine rack. Nm?  6 Natural CaveFNF4N'IYou're standing in a natural cave that probably hasn't been entered in years. Twisted rock formations in the high ceiling drip water on your head, and the pale green light of your whiffleball casts dark shadows into the corners of the cave. A narrow passage climbs up to the northeast, while an identical one climbs down to the southeast. There's also a low tunnel leading northwest. A wider but equally low passage runs due south, and to the west is the opening in the brick wall that leads back to the cellar of the Golden Dragon Inn. NeI=?B>W@WA;@  formations, some formations  IIThe twisted natural sculptures are probably formed by dripping water. @  shadows, some shadows  hhThe shadows are created by the twisted rock formations. There's nothing very interesting about them. @  opening,  an opening KKIt's to the west; it leads back to the cellar of the Golden Dragon Inn. oN,FpNAF>5  6 Stalagmite Cavern:NM4NM>5NNYou've stretched the bungee cord to its limits, and are scant milliseconds from flying back up through the chimney and scant inches off the floor. You've got almost no time to react! NO<NQ0You're standing in a medium-sized natural cavern. The floor is difficult to negotiate; stalagmites of all shapes and sizes impede your progress. Water drips from the walls, pooling on the remaining bits of open floor. There are no stalactites, perhaps because there's no ceiling; instead, a huge, dark natural chimney stretches up above you, bending slightly to the north, vanishing into shadows overhead. A narrow passage climbs to the northwest, and level tunnels run southwest and south. The southwest passage seems somewhat warmer than the others. NQANQ>5rN3RMYou're not going anywhere until you unhook yourself from the bungee cord. NZR!NwRNRNR>NSyYou can't climb up the natural chimney. (If you're trying to go up the passage to the northwest, just go northwest.) NVS!NoSC;NS4NS>Y4NUSuddenly, you shoot back up the chimney, propelled by the bungee cord attached to your waist. About halfway up the inevitable happens - the cord snaps! As you plummet to the hard rock below, you wish you'd bought an Unnkulian Death-Cord instead - they never break! NFUNZU=NVThe cord goes sailing back up the chimney. After a brief second, you hear an ominous snap. Bits of broken cord flutter to the floor moments later, and you breathe a sigh of relief - good thing you weren't attached to it! NV!XNV!>Z&NV!5NW N/WN;WRNZW>5" E<0" NW<NWNW)NW6 Twisting PassageN4N67You're at a bend in a low tunnel. The rocks seem to bear down over you, as if trying to crush you into the floor, and the floor is irregular, damp, and slippery. Somebody's been defacing the wall here with red graffiti - how rude! The least they could do is use a more pleasing color, like orange or mauve. N_Nw6 You could continue to the southeast or the east. NNThe origins of the Acme tri-colors (orange, green, and mauve) are lost in the mists of time. One thing, however, is clear: the colors make for some "dam spiphee" salesman suits. NB<d$$$6 Cave of the SkeletonN1]4NN_This chamber is dark and low, with no apparent exits other than the passage back to the north. The roof slopes sharply down to the south, and at the far end, there's only a few inches between ceiling and floor. Lying face down in the center of the cave is a grisly sight - a human skeleton, half-covered in mineral deposits, probably centuries old. Good thing he didn't have Acme Dam Eckspensif Lyfe Ihnshorants - you might have to pay up. No_:0@   stalactites There aren't any here. <NJ#There are zero (0) stalactites. NJWNJ>Things that don't exist don't smell like much of anything. NFK@  stalagmites  IIThere's a great many of them, and they make walking rather difficult. ON8L6There are one hundred and seven (107) stalagmites. NyL The chimney's quite wide. It stretches up above you, leaning slightly to the north. You can't see the top of it, but you can just make out a narrow ledge partway up. rrr6 Geyser Cavern9N4NYou're standing in a small, hot cave filled with thick steam. The source of the steam is evident; hot clouds billow from a narrow mineral spout shaped like an overturned funnel. There must be a hot spring somewhere beneath you. The only exit is back to the northeast. NK@6 Chamber of the PadlocktN4NZvThis cavern is wide and high, and the walls appear to have been worked and shaped. The only exit is to the north. Ns4NThe southern wall is partly taken up by what appears to be an enormous padlock, made from solid gold and embedded in the wall. N <" N}Goodness! If only you could remove the padlock from the wall, you'd be able to purchase the Golden Dragon Inn right now! N"NN}Though the lock itself is quite large, the keyhole in the center is quite small. There's not much else of interest here. N: @ leather belt The belt's marvelous workmanship - possibly because it predates the time of Acme. I imagine you could slip it off the skeleton; he surely doesn't need it anymore. N@YNiY4You carefully remove the belt from the skeleton. NY"NYYNY5>Y&NY!<&NZMN>Z4You'd better take it off the former owner first. N}Z@  skeletonN[The skeleton has become part of the rocky floor - drips of mineral-rich water have fused the dead man's torso with the ageless stones. Not that you care; you're a salesman, not an archaeologist. N[>" N]\Interestingly, there's a leather belt around the skeleton's waist, untouched by the ravages of time. (There's absolutely no sign of a dagger, however.) N\ eee W KKThe natural chimney stretches down below you; you can't see the bottom. kN~cRTrying to climb down the smooth walls of the chimney would be certain suicide. NcoNdRTrying to climb down the smooth walls of the chimney would be certain suicide. N3d>X" PNd;If you really want to go down there, why not just jump? NdNdNdNOactordoNe You drop Ne N3e2 into the chimney. It plummets to the bottom. Npe&Ne6 Gambler's LairtN 4NMYou're in a small, square chamber that's obviously been carved from the rock. The place is apparently home to somebody; a scorched circle on the rock floor was probably a makeshift fireplace, and a pile of straw against one wall might have served as a bed. The room is otherwise featureless. The only exit is back to the west. NO=Wt444 @ narrow ledge [@ spoutN'The steam's all coming out of a nozzle-shaped bit at the top of the funnel-shaped spout. The nozzle part is only about an inch across; the steam's being forced through a tiny hole. N? NNMXOactordoN.  E  " PN.:You stick the cheezdom over the nozzle. It rapidly fills with hot air, and starts to look like a big yellow balloon - albeit one with a bunch of holes in it. When it's as full as it's going to get, you take it off the spout, being careful to hold the opening shut. N.z" N.C N.N.  wN.G_You can't put the cheezdom on the spout again without releasing the hot air already inside. N.~DN.8There's no good surface for that on the steam spout. N. x 5 5 5 )  cheezdomhN <" N It looks like a deflated yellow balloon with several small holes in it. Tiny letters down one side read "Acme Loobrikayted Cheezdom: Praktiss Sayfe Seks! (Mayd from 100% Suhwiss Cheez)." }N w qThe cheezdom's full of hot air, though it's losing it fast through the holes in it. It's tugging you upward. N  5?N C &I think the "loobrikant" is WD-40. N v N } OactordoN   $N   >MN   BN  - 6I don't think the cheezdom will stretch over that. N  r N y N <" E >5 [ N h You let go of the rising cheezdom - not the wisest move, since it's the only thing holding you up. You plummet to the hard rocks below, and not surprisingly - N N N <" E >5 W N You let go of the cheezdom and nimbly step to the ground. The cheezdom flies crazily around the cavern, finally splatting against a wall. N !5N CN !!<&N EN P<" N ^You let go of the cheezdom. It rapidly deflates and falls to the ground with a wet thwup. N >5 <&N '!N FCN m5N  Dropped. N >5 <&N N TN ;Put your lips on that thing? You've got to be kidding! N KWN >Not on your life! That thing isn't (pardon the pun) safe! N N oYick! Your boss specifically said, NEVER EAT THE MERCHANDISE! (Especially if it's made out of cheez(tm)!) N ]fN MThere is one (1) cheezdom. It's got thirty-four tiny little holes in it. N wN 5> |E >5  N H![0N l!W0N \bSuddenly, your feet leave the ground as the cheezdom sails up the chimney! Some lift this thing's got - jeepers! You look around and find yourself - \bN U[>5N {"5N C N 9N \bSuddenly, your feet begin to leave the ground! When the cheezdom hits the rock of the ceiling above you, it pops with a wet splattering sound, spraying cheez (ugh) across the dark granite. You fall the short distance to the ground, shaken but unhurt. N * N H!<&N lN w N _The cheezdom's still deflating, but you continue to rise. Pretty soon, you find yourself - \bN W>5N 'CN ON The cheezdom finally loses its last bit of air, and you plummet down the chimney. Too bad you didn't let go in time! AAAAAAIIIIIIEEEEEeeee\.\.\.N &N 6 x555@ steam NNThe steam is just hot air, though it does have a bit of a sulferous smell. AN(The steam smells faintly of sulpher. NiNzPYou haven't really got a suitable container to capture the steam in, do you? N @ pile of strawN2I see nothing special about the pile of straw. N 4Nq g"Hey!" the little man shouts, eyes narrow. "Whadya think you're doing? That's my bed! Hands off!" N  [N BThere's nothing underneath the straw but the cold stone floor. N( _N FI don't think the gambler would appreciate you mussing up his bed. N [N BThere's nothing underneath the straw but the cold stone floor. N JN; 1The straw pile is too bulky to take with you. Nw  zzz@ scorched circle ??It's still warm; there must have been a fire here recently.  lll/@  graffitiNqExamining the graffiti more closely, you realize it's not quite red - rather, it's the color of a ripe tomato. NANY! You could probably read it. N 44'It's said the gambler loves a good tale (sic).' 2NCare for a refreshing beverage? Set your Matter-mover coordinates for Tomato: R10,000; B3881; G2785. See "The Legend Lives" for more details. N4N/i"There's not a man, woman, or child alive who doesn't enjoy a refreshing beverage." - David Letterman Nm P6YN]>" NGate ChamberNNo Gate ChamberNN4NThis room is dominated by N>" Nthe conspicuous lack of a huge iron gate blocking the hallway to the north; the gate appears to have risen into the ceiling. Nan enormous iron gate which blocks a wide hallway to the north. The gate is made from thick iron bars, and looks quite sturdy; I doubt you could squeeze through it. N6Other passages run northeast, northwest, and west. N =A:N_ >" N LN *The massive iron gate blocks your way. N !N!N !@  @  padlock The padlock's embedded in the wall; you're definitely not going to be able to get it out, if that's what you're thinking. The tiny keyhole in the center looks just like any other keyhole. hNslNiN-EdNjNfN-EHN6/If you're trying to unlock it, just say so. Np  @  iron gate, an iron gate  HN/The iron bars are far too sturdy and thick. N?N&The gate's much too heavy to lift. N%`FND-There's no apparent way to open the gate. N|hKN2I don't see any locking mechanism on the gate. Nl8NThere's no visible keyhole. N)PPP6 The Golden PoolN*4N#,8You're standing in a hot, low chamber. The only exit is to the southeast. Before you is a shining pool of melted gold, perhaps twenty feet in diameter. It nearly fills the room, and bathes your face with intense heat; somewhere below the surface, hot lava or steam must keep the soft metal in liquid form. N<,4N,If only you had a container that would hold this gold! How valuable it would be if it cooled - and how quickly you could meet the innkeeper's price. N-B6 Jumbled HallNN?4N @You're walking through a wide north-south hall. The walls are covered in intricate carvings, and strange shadows seem to reach out for you. N@@<" NRAAll right! It looks like you've stumbled into some sort of long-forgotten underground civilization, a real anthropological treasure! You'll surely find lotsa loot to plunder here. NiA"NANBRocks and debris litter the floor, impeding your progress; it looks like bits of the ceiling have fallen down from above. You can go either north or south. NRB;: P6  Tiny RoomN74N8This natural chamber is quite small, and the ceiling is extremely low; it's more an alcove than a room. A familiar sight greets you - an Acme vending machine sits (or rather, squats) against the wall! N8N8<" N;9p How in the world did that get here? You'd long thought that you were the first Acme salesman in the Valley.N9"N9N9G The only exit from the room is the passage back to the southwest. N:N:Before you were promoted to salesman, you had to polish and restock these machines. And before THAT, you had to clean the executive washroom. Boy, you're really shooting up through the ranks! N;Ct1 1 1@ pool of molten gold The pool of golden liquid bubbles and churns, slowly swirling, eddies of molten metal twisting lazily. There must be thousands of acmids worth of gold here! oN"pNR#You slide one foot into the molten metal, and pull back a charred stump. You scream in agony and pass out, falling forward into the pool. Maybe that wasn't the best idea - N#N#N#Ne$You execute a perfect swan-dive into the pool of molten gold. Not surprisingly, you perish. Clearly, you haven't studied James Bond movies as much as you should have! N$N$N$.N%You touch the molten gold. Your fingers are instantly burned down to little blackened nubs. Surprised, you lose your balance and plunge headlong into the pool with a yelp. Soon, most of the other parts of your body are burned down to little blackened nubs. N&N&N&&NOactordoN_& 2N(You slide the plastic cookie cutter into the molten liquid. Instantly, it starts to melt - no big surprise, but you had to see for yourself, didn't you? Horrified, you yank the cutter back. It emerges from the metal, dripping plastic and gold. You blow on the gloppy mass frantically, trying to cool it. A noxious odor wafts to your nose as the last bits of plastic burn off - and then, a perfect gold key drops on the floor with a tinkling sound. N( N(&N)CNC)!&Ne)N) You put N) N)` into the pool of gold. It slips beneath the surface of the metal, burning as it goes down. N7*!&NY*Ne*c c c) cookie cutterN :DTiny letters on the cookie cutter read "Acme Slysor-Dysor Kookee Khutoor." This particular one's shaped like a key, but other fun shapes are available - hearts, clovers, horseshoes, and diamonds. In fact, you've heard they make "Acme Kookee Charmz" with these things - "A Dam Tastee Pahrt oph thiss Compleet Brekphast!" N :N :< It's made from mauve plastic, and it's not very sharp. N &;aN <H\bKookee Charmz Nootrishunal Kontent: \n\tIron - 0% \n\tCalcium - 0% \n\tProtein - * \n\tVitamin A through Z - 0% \n\tCalories - ** \n\tSugar - *** \n\t------------------------ \n* - One-tenth of one percent, from the rat giblets. \n** - We're not tellin'. \n*** - Enough in one bowl to cause cancer in laboratory elephants. N = 5BN w=)Yick! Smells rather like cheez (tm). N =N ="N >rUgh! Kinda chewy, but not so different from Acme's cheez products. You chomp and swallow, licking your lips. N _>!<&N >P  M  gold key 66The gold key is heavy but otherwise uninteresting.  N PN Q<" N |QoYou touch the key and singe your fingers for the effort. Perhaps you should wait a bit until it cools down. N QN Q)N QsOactordoNP R GNP >R&The key fits the keyhole perfectly, NP sR>" LNP R4and turns smoothly, but nothing seems to happen. NP RNP S>E>E>BNP Skand turns easily. There's a loud clacking noise from deep within the lock as tumblers fall into place. NP T>" NP TRSuddenly, you hear a faint rumbling sound coming from somewhere north of here. NP T!>&NP T"NP 'U!0NP TU NP yUNP UINP U=but there seems to be something blocking it from turning. NP V$NP (VThe key doesn't fit. NP OVtN VVuOactordoN V N @WtThe key fits perfectly, but since you don't know the status of the lock, it's hard to know which way to turn it. N ZW$N sWThe key doesn't fit. N WN W!N W@  coin slot N-NOOactordoNE- NE.You drop the acmid in the coin slot. It hits bottom with an extremely non-metallic thunk. The machine gurgles for a minute, but nothing happens. What a piece of junk! NE.!>&NE."NE/8NE(/ XNE/@The bend in the coin prevents it from sliding down the slot. NE/NE/ NE50\The notched coin fits in the slot, but it sounds like it got caught about half-way down. NEf0!>&NE09NE0$That won't fit in the coin slot. NE0NE0``` acmidN O%The acmid's almost totally worthless. Your bosses have been trying to buy up hard currency with these plastic coins, but so far, they've been quite unsuccessful. Actually, you've always rather liked acmids, but it's tough to pass them here in the heart of the Valley King's lands. Maybe you can get a can of Acme Dam Tastee Bir with it when you get back to the big city. It's made out of orange plastic. N %,  an acmid 5eN &=GULP! Not too filling. It's not even made out of cheez. N L&!<&N l&@ vending machinexN2OThis particular mauve and green machine appears to be a cheezdom dispenser. N35> |bNm3VYou don't really need it - you've already got one, so you're covered, so to speak. N4The machine is squat and lumpy. Letters across the top read "Praktiss Sayfe Seks!" There's a coin slot and a small chute on the front side. NK4 N4N.OactordoN4>N N4N5<" +N6You kick the stupid machine, irritated at losing your acmid. The machine gurgles once, then spits a coin out at rocket-like speed. It barely misses your cheek, then clatters against the wall and falls to the ground. N[6< >&N6 N6!N6kN07_You kick the vending machine. It burbles, but nothing else especially interesting happens. Na7VVV   bent coin The bent coin is a two-Valmid piece, minted from bronze. It's got a picture of the Valley Lighthouse on one side, and the King's beloved Lady Amanda on the other. It's not your currency of choice, but you can exchange it for Acmids when you get back to the big city.   notched coin(N 0)aThe notched coin is a one-valmid piece, minted from bronze. On one side is the current monarch N _)N ) and on the other side is a picture of the Hall of the Valley King. There's a little notch cut out of the coin, but it's still worth one valmid. N )*]N *DThe current monarch is the Second Valley King, Phul son of Kuul. N *4@ chuteHN@1/It's probably where the cheezdoms come out. Nz1 sN 2ZThe chute goes up into the machine; I don't think you can really stuff anything up it. NN2^^^@ intricate carvings, some intricate carvingsNi<The wall carvings portray evil-looking monks with sharp teeth, biting into particularly helpless-looking eggs. The fact that the eggs look as if they're begging for mercy is testimony to the unmatched skill of the stonecutters. N< OOO@ debrisNNR=5It's just fallen rocks and junk, nothing special. N=,  some debris XN>?There's nothing under the debris, not even a glowing sword. NL>XNp>?There's nothing under the debris, not even a glowing sword. N>p---  shadows  FFF6 Hall of JudgmentNvI4NJKYou're at the north end of a long north-south hall. To the south, the hall stretches behind you, cluttered with debris but still passable. Before you, on the north wall, is a huge bas-relief sculpture of a gigantic bird, its wings spread wide, talons curved ominously over two narrow hallways running northeast and northwest. NK<" N=K4NMAs you enter the room, the bird sculpture's head moves! It turns to you and opens one eye. "Do you seek the judgment of the Court of Birds?" the stone beast squawks. "Truly, you are a man of evil deeds. The existence of the cheez key is evidence enough of that. But redemption can come to the worst of beings." The beast's red eyes glow with a firelike intensity. "Show new life to me, and I shall truly reward you." Without warning, the statue becomes silent and unmoving. NM"NM^NINRThe bird sculpture is quiet now, but you've got the feeling it's watching you. NuN;@#A$! @  bird statue  {NCbThe talons of the giant bird statue curve ominously over the northeast and northwest passages. NCkN4DRClimbing statues that have a tendency to move around isn't the brightest idea. NUDN\DOactordoN9D E<" N9D4N9%F;The bird statue once again comes to life. "Indeed, you do have a heart," the stone judge rumbles. "Though you've done evil before, and shall do evil again, this act demonstrates you are not wholly without compassion. Train the chick with care; one day it shall serve you well. And take this as your reward." N9tF4N9H;A panel slides open in the statue, revealing a jeweled egg. Wonderingly, you pick it up. "We have judged, and found you wanting," the bird statue says. "But you will be a great source of trouble to the Duhdist Monks, our arch-enemies. Thus are you a friend to the birds." With that, the statue falls silent. N9H5"&N9AH  N9_H"N9HxN9HlThe statue remains silent and unmoving. Now don't you feel silly, showing things to a big hunk of rock? N9 I"? ? ?)  jeweled egg  ccThe jeweled egg is covered with specks of garnet and emerald, and is surely worth a great deal. {N %bThough you can't make an omlet without breaking some eggs, I think you'd better keep this one. N %N %"xN %=GULP! Not very filling, and it didn't go down very well. N 8&!<&N X& N r&`oN &VYou don't see any opening mechanism. I don't think it's that kind of jeweled egg. N &#  East Wing west and southwest, C =&2NYPCNP)NPGNP<" (NP4NUSuddenly, there's a small explosion of light and sound, and a wobbly-looking stationary bicycle appears from nowhere, popping into the center of the chamber! A frizzy-haired man in a white jacket hops off, coughing and waving his hand through a cloud of smoke. "Greetings, Tuckbucker!" he says. "Sorry to interrupt your quest for loot. That is what you're doing, isn't it? I did hit the right era? This is the age of the second Valley King, correct?" He glances around, frowning. "Whoops. Off a bit spatially. I thought I'd catch up to you in the jumbled hall. Oh well. Here." He tosses you a small mauve box, which you just miss catching. It lands on the ground with a disturbing crack. "This should set you on the right track." The strange old man hops back on the bicycle and starts pedalling. "Cheerio, Tuckbucker! I'll see you in Unnkulia Thirty-Eight: The Salesman's Gruesome Death!" With a loud bang and a puff of green smoke, the bicycle and old man both vanish! NU#'&NU"NVN$V$SSS  West Wing east and southeast, <&B %@ wall # aaThe workmanship is incredible. If you didn't know better, you'd think these walls could fly. &6  The Gizzard)N*4N80This chamber is shaped like a bird's gizzard. NsN<" tND\ A short stone pedestal sits in the very center of the chamber. Above, the ceiling is high and almost out of the range of your dim light. A wide, round passage - looking suspiciously like a throat - runs north, and you think you can see a faint light at the end of the tunnel. Other passages run east and west, both sloping slightly upward. NsAN5 The center of the room is a massive pile of crushed rock and debris, right where you'd stood when plucking the feather from the pedestal. A wide, round passage runs north, and you think you can see a faint light at the end of the tunnel. Other passages run east and west, both sloping slightly upward. NNYou know because bird gizzards are the most popular snack food used to stock Acme Vending Machines. Ladle a couple of quarts of Liquid Cheez on them, and they're damn tasty! N :,=N2 -" N [You walk up the west passage, straight into the path of an oncoming boulder. N N N $N1 <NK >-" N [You walk up the east passage, straight into the path of an oncoming boulder. N N N( #NJ 'HI  mauve boxN  The mauve box is open on one side, and could probably hold small objects. There's a large green button on one side. Letters along the opposite side read "Akmi Galaktikorp Tyme Disstortur - Bhackwerdz Throo Tyme Ownlee (Yooz Whith Kaer!)" N Y )N n  oN WhThough you don't have the massive build of a Valley Warrior, I don't think you could fit in the box. N (@ wall $ aaThe workmanship is incredible. If you didn't know better, you'd think these walls could fly. )l*** @ stone pedestalN\Like most of the stonework in these bird-caves, the pedestal is covered with intricate carvings, snaking feathers and talons in a beautiful design. It's probably valuable, but much too heavy to take with you. N &+TTT@ pile of debris The debris is all rock pieces and dust, and makes for quite a big pile. Somewhere under there is the pedestal, but there's no way you're moving the tons of debris that have buried it. ZNAThere's nothing beneath the debris, not even a glowing sword. N,h'''  The BeakN 4N~ This chamber is shaped like a gigantic beak, the top half sloping overhead, the floor carved to look like a huge bird's tongue. The overall effect is quite creepy; it's a darn good thing this monstrous beak isn't part of a real bird. A low, round passage that bears a disturbing resemblance to a throat runs back to the south, while to the north, the beak is open slightly to reveal daylight beyond. You could probably squeeze out there as well. N ;&:.-  ) crystal feather The feather is a delicate work of art, a piece of rock crystal expertly carved and carefully polished. It's quite beautiful. )N :N <" N You pluck the feather from the pedestal. As you do, there's an almost inaudible click followed by a disturbing rumbling noise echoing down both the east and west corridors. N CN F"N i"N 5<&N N )N  N  N RMYou shatter the crystal feather into a million pieces, cackling insanely. N r!<&N  N N >5 , N 4d\bSuddenly, from the south, there's a horrible crashing noise. The very earth shakes underfoot. N w!N "&N !&0N !>)&N &>+&N 5 N RN :Without warning, two monstrous boulders come rolling out of the east and west passages, smashing together in the very center of the chamber right where the pedestal is - and right where you are! N }N N .  Lost ValeN4NNgYou're standing on a soft carpet of moss and waving grasses, in the very center of a peaceful vale. This place, though it's close to the Valley King's lands, certainly doesn't appear on any of the local maps; the dense brambles and trees that surround this place make it almost impossible to imagine that anyone's been here in years. To the south, jutting out from the brambles, is an enormous bird's head made from dark gray stone. The bird's beak is open, revealing a dark tunnel runnning into the rock creature's throat, directly south. Narrow, winding trails run northwest and east through the brambles. N;,A4<5/` .0 @ mossy carpet IIThere's nothing unusual about the mossy carpet or the waving grasses. .N"~NWMmm! Yummy poisonous forest mosses! Dam tastee! You keel over in horrible agony - NNNnYou can't lift the mossy carpet. Whadya expect to find under there anyway, Zork I? It's just a bunch of moss - sort of a metaphorical carpet. N1i i i@ .  brambles, some brambles{NWSThe dense brambles surround the clearing, preventing passage in most directions. NwNNpAll right, all right, it's a cheesy adventure game device to prevent the player from trying to go places that don't exist. Jeez, at least the game recognizes the word "brambles!" NrN&YThere's no way you're cutting through the brambles; they're much too thick and dense. NMNT"NwMmm! Yummy brambles! You puncture your throat with a hundred tiny little thorns. That'll teach you not to graze! NNNThere are one hundred and fifteen (115) brambles, with a total of sixteen thousand and four (16,004) little thorns. (Ouch!) N2@  bird's head mmIt's really big, and expertly carved, but otherwise not especially unusual. You could probably enter it. .oNpN,>53` .4 Streamside WestZN!4NH"3You're standing on the south edge of a burbling stream in the middle of a peaceful wood. A path follows the stream to the northwest and east, and another path cuts back through the trees to the southeast. You could probably cross the stream, but the forest is dense and impenetrable on the other side. N"B.<:A;:N|#Though the stream is crossable, the trees on the other side are too dense to travel through. Besides, you don't want to get your tootsies wet. N#!N#@N#<:5L    Bicorn's ClearingN4NYou're standing in a quiet, peaceful clearing surrounded by trees. There's a fresh odor in the air - if you didn't know better, you might suspect someone had been throwing a few shovelfulls of Acme Dam-Phowl Phirtelyzur around the forest. There's something definitely magical in the winds, something so tangible you're afraid you might be scraping it off your shoes later. The only clear trail runs back to the west. N=.6xxx@ grass GGThe grass in the clearing has been chewed down almsot to the roots. 57  @ stream FFThe babbling stream is cool and clear, and runs from west to east. 4RN9You take a long drink of water from the clear stream. NK<Nj#You have no suitable container. NKN2That's not a suitable container for the water. NLN3You really don't want to get your tootsies wet. NRNYNOactordoNWhen you put N N@ in the stream, it gets a bit wet, but nothing else happens. N oLN, 3You really don't want to get your tootsies wet. Nj 8` 49` 4:=== Streamside EastEN -4N<.The trail ends here, though the stream continues on to the east. The trees grow in close and hang overhead, bathing the bubbling water in dark shade. The forest floor is littered, and the trail vanishes under pine needles and leaves. The only visible path leads back to the west. Nw.=4:N2/Though you might be able to cross the stream, you don't want to get your tootsies wet. Besides, there's nothing much of interest over there. NT/!Nm/; Forest WaterfallTN*64N7-You're standing on a narrow strip of sand beside a burbling mountain pool. Upriver, to the west, a small cascading waterfall feeds the pool, and to the east, a babbling brook stretches back into the forest. A path runs beside the stream to the southeast; there's no other passable ways to travel. N7B4:RN7,You don't want to get your tootsies wet. N8!N.8@N58<:ANZ8<:=N9You can't climb up either the waterfall itself, or the rocky ground around it. And there's nothing glistering behind the waterfall either. N>9!NW9<W W W@ stream :N$8The stream is cool and clear, and runs west to east. N$=" N%It looks like there's something glistering under the water, but you can't quite tell what it is. Clearly, you couldn't reach it. N%N%LN%3You really don't want to get your tootsies wet. N&EN0&,You sip from the cool, refreshing water. Ng&<N&#You have no suitable container. N&KN&2That's not a suitable container for the water. N'N'NOactordoNvQ'> E >=" NvG)You dip the sieve into the cold water and swish it around, trying to pan for gold or whatever else might be found at the bottom of the stream. Amazingly, you actually come up with something! You pull the golden lump from the water and hold it up to examine it, then frown, disappointed - it's only pyrite, the stuff Acme uses in their "100% 24-kahrot Gowld Chanes (as seen on the Hoam Shop-eng Klub!)" Nv)"=Nv)5>=&Nv)  Nv)Nv)> gNv^*XYou swish the pan through the water once more, but don't come up with anything else. CNv*7The item gets a bit wet, but not much else happens. Nv*=xxx) lump of pyrite ""Pyrite, more commonly known as Fool's Gold, is probably the cheesiest imitation gold found in nature. It looks almost nothing like gold. However, it might fool a drunken innkeeper - at least, you can hope. This particular lump's not very big, but at least it's sort of gold in color.  >p///) plastic sieve It's the typical sort of sieve used by little children to sift sand at the beach. You have no idea why the water nymph had it. It's made of green plastic, and tiny letters along the edge read "Acme Sohrt-em-owt Shand Siv." ?` :@` :AP@ pine needles, some pine needles :ON+6There's no point in gathering up the pine needles. N:,iN,PThere are forty thousand seven hundred and thirty-six (40,736) pine needles. N,B  @ pool NNThe waterfall, pool, and stream are all crystal-clear and quite beautiful. ;Ns0NOactordoN0 You slide N0 N1_ into the water, then pull it out again. It gets a bit wet, but nothing much else happens. NB1UNb1<You take a long drink from the clear waters of the pool. N1JN11You have no suitable container for the water. N2okNo2RThough you could probably use a bath, you don't want to get your tootsies wet. N2LN23You really don't want to get your tootsies wet. N2C` ;D` ;EP@ sand $$It's just sand, nothing special. ;NC4nThere are eight million, four hundred and twenty-seven thousand and forty-five (8,427,045) grains of sand. Nw4EN4,There's no reason to gather up the sand. N4kN05RThe sand is just a sprinkling over solid ground. It's not worth digging here. NQ5kN5RThe sand is just a sprinkling over solid ground. It's not worth digging here. N5Fp- - -@  tootsies, your tootsies your tootsiesCN:*They're feet, all right? Whadya want? NR:8Nr:Hey, this is a family game! N: N:>5 N:N;;[You snap your feet off at the ankles and slowly bleed to death. Not very surprisingly - Ng;Nw;N~;"zN;SMuch like a trapped animal, you gnaw your own foot off. Not very surprisingly - N <N<G0  M 5  cheez keyN pThe key is yellow and spongy, and quite small. Tiny letters along the side read "Acme Dam Tastee Cheez Kee." N N 6N vThis was the very first Acme product ever coded, way back in "Unnkulian I" (just a bite (sic) of history for you). N N HAre you nuts? The first rule in the Acme Saylesman Mhanyooahl couldn't be any plainer - NEVER EAT THE MERCHANDISE! (Especially if it's made out of cheez(tm).) N asOactordoN:  N: =tThe key fits perfectly. You wiggle it around, and for just a moment, you think you hear a tumbler click inside. N: V"N: z$N: The key doesn't fit. N: tN uOactordoNF  NF tThe key fits perfectly, but since you don't know the status of the lock, it's hard to know which way to turn it. NF $NF The key doesn't fit. NF N !I >5 jN 0When you drop the cheez key, the bicorn charges eagerly and catches it between his yellowing teeth before it hits the ground. With a loud gulp and an even louder belch, the bicorn trots off into the trees, satisfied. N m!<&N !>I&N >I" 0N CIN !IN EN U N sN )N I@ magical bicorn6N O