dark times

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Chapter 1: the beginning
(by Sabrina Fagerheim, added on 5 December 2007 01:01 PM)


I was born in 1991. I was born a month earlier than I should. I had jaundice, the kind that many babies have. Mum wasnít allowed to give me milk the normal way. She had to pump it out. I didnít get any raw milk either. The nurse said that it was so little and that she should just throw it away. I was put in an incubator. I was very sick. There were feeding problems with me too. I got food from a machine with some faked milk. They didn't give me enough. When they realized it, they set the machine on too high, and it was too much. It bubbled up, filling my cheeks. I could have died, could have got it in the lungs or in the windpipe. I came home on Christmas. The doctors found out that I was blind. They didnít tell mum and dad at first. They said it would work with glasses. Sometimes I wish they were right. It was hard to see if it worked or not. I never crashed. They found out that it didnít work. I donít know how they found it out, but I know they did. Mum saw the world in another way. She showed me everything, even the pictures that I couldnít see. She told me who was on them. Some people said it was crazy. Many pitied me and the rest of the family. The tests were nightmares. I should take a hearing test. The nurse was playing some tones. She expected me to look towards the speaker that the music came from. She pinched me in the cheek, and I started crying.. mum went angry with her.


Chapter 2: growing up
(by Sabrina Fagerheim, added on 5 December 2007 01:25 PM)


I was a wonder child. I was totally perfect. I could do everything. Children are forbidden to go up the stairs. There was a fence that should prevent me. I was an intelligent little child. I managed to climb over the fence. I went past five fences, and then they gave up. One fence looked like a sun. One of my secrets (I remember it all) was when I climbed over the third fence. It was a normal fence. It was above the first step (a way to ask for problem). A fan was on the other side. I managed to get on the little bit of the first step. I got onto the bottom pin, and then climbed with my toes around the bars. I threw my right leg over the fence, and stepped on the fan. I put the other leg over the fence. It was done! I just crept through the sun fence. Many people came to film me. I ate properly (knife, fork and spoon), I went outside, and I could do everything. I was permitted to be in the garden. There were fences all around it. I looked for a way to get out of it; it was too high to climb. We had a cat named Simon. He showed me how to do. He lifted the rope, and I could run out. It was done! Iíd found the secret. I crept through it once too.
Mum helped me learn how to play. No other blind child in my age knew how to do. I was ready for the school.


Chapter 3: the horror begins
(by Sabrina Fagerheim, added on 5 December 2007 01:36 PM)


i should start preschool. I visited the place the day before. My assistants name was Martin. The school was fine and martin SEEMED to be kind. I liked that day. There were pencils, dolls, everything a child could ask for. I was wrong! I was very wrong! The school was horrible. My assistant was treating me very badly. He threw chairs at me several times. I had no books. The other children had books, but not me.so what was the damn reason with going there? The times got worse.


Chapter 4: The stupid act
(by Sabrina Fagerheim, added on 13 May 2008 09:46 PM)


Now this was done. The school begun, and i was happy at the bbeginning. It started after a month. I was not allowed to play with the other children. I was not allowed to go annywhere alone. I wasn't even allowed to walk on the curb on my own. Martin brought me up to the atic, and we "hunted fake ghosts" instead of playing with the other children. That wasn't the worst. I got books in the first grade. I was also allowed to eat in the dining area too. I remember that Martin did everything to make me do as he wanted. If i didn't want to work, he pushed my chair against the table, so i couldn't breathe. I was cked up several times too. He threw chairs at me when he was angry, blamed me for a lot of things, destroyed my body and soul. He even threw heavy chairs at me. I never told mum annything. Everything would have been allright if i had been allowed to wait a year with school.


Chapter 5: things grew worse
(by Sabrina Fagerheim, added on 3 January 2009 09:37 PM)


I didn't want to go to school anny more. i was misstreated, my asistant and my teachers lied to my parents, everybody was blaming me for everything. I was locked up several times, and i got cloustrofobia. I learned that i
Is incompetent. They told me that so many times that i finally believed it. They brainwashed me. everything they did was right, and everything i did was wrong. It really damaged my soul. Mom and dad struggled with me every morning to get me to school. They didn't have a clue of what was going on. I started to believe that what they did was right. I was thinking that this was the way incompetent people should be treated. I was often very sad, but didn't show anny signs, but inside i was broken. I was completely broken down. I had nowhere i could turn to shelter from the war. I had a second asistant that worked with me when martin was at hes Planning meetings. Her name was Karin, and she wasn't much better than martin. Martin used to take me to the place where the preschool children used to be. When Karin should take me out on my recess i refused to go outside. I was used to playing with the preschool children, and i didn't want to go outside. Karin tried to force me to go outside. she sat on me, pushed me, pinched my legs very hard, and pulled me. My older sisters entire class saw me, and they told the headmaster. the headmaster said there was no evidence, and she didn't do annything. In second grade i had lost everything. My soul was damaged and would never be healed. I hoped it would be over soon. I found out there was no point of living on. I Tried jumping out of the window, but my parents prevented me. I cried in my room all the time. I was so destroyed that i had embarrasing leaking accidents at night. In the middle end of the second grade my parrents asked me what was going on. Martin threathened me to silence. If i said something everything would be worse for you and your family. I was so scared, and many times during the second grade i used to go home and cry in my room. I did a few more suicide atempts. All of them failed. I felt so lonely, so weak, so frail, so missunderstood, so broken and destroyed. I started going into myself. I started to hear echoes of my own voice and Martins voice telling me things. My father understood that something was wrong. He called the school and told them. But the headmaster didn't do annything. Margareta (maggan) was married to the headmasters chef and so she didn't dare to do annything. it was a corrupt and infected situation. they called the school and threathened to report them if they didn't stop it. Martin quit two weeks later. My sister took hes place, but i had big difficulties with finding rust. I didn't dare to trust annybody.




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