dark times

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Chapter 5: things grew worse
(by Sabrina Fagerheim, added on 3 January 2009 09:37 PM)

I didn't want to go to school anny more. i was misstreated, my asistant and my teachers lied to my parents, everybody was blaming me for everything. I was locked up several times, and i got cloustrofobia. I learned that i
Is incompetent. They told me that so many times that i finally believed it. They brainwashed me. everything they did was right, and everything i did was wrong. It really damaged my soul. Mom and dad struggled with me every morning to get me to school. They didn't have a clue of what was going on. I started to believe that what they did was right. I was thinking that this was the way incompetent people should be treated. I was often very sad, but didn't show anny signs, but inside i was broken. I was completely broken down. I had nowhere i could turn to shelter from the war. I had a second asistant that worked with me when martin was at hes Planning meetings. Her name was Karin, and she wasn't much better than martin. Martin used to take me to the place where the preschool children used to be. When Karin should take me out on my recess i refused to go outside. I was used to playing with the preschool children, and i didn't want to go outside. Karin tried to force me to go outside. she sat on me, pushed me, pinched my legs very hard, and pulled me. My older sisters entire class saw me, and they told the headmaster. the headmaster said there was no evidence, and she didn't do annything. In second grade i had lost everything. My soul was damaged and would never be healed. I hoped it would be over soon. I found out there was no point of living on. I Tried jumping out of the window, but my parents prevented me. I cried in my room all the time. I was so destroyed that i had embarrasing leaking accidents at night. In the middle end of the second grade my parrents asked me what was going on. Martin threathened me to silence. If i said something everything would be worse for you and your family. I was so scared, and many times during the second grade i used to go home and cry in my room. I did a few more suicide atempts. All of them failed. I felt so lonely, so weak, so frail, so missunderstood, so broken and destroyed. I started going into myself. I started to hear echoes of my own voice and Martins voice telling me things. My father understood that something was wrong. He called the school and told them. But the headmaster didn't do annything. Margareta (maggan) was married to the headmasters chef and so she didn't dare to do annything. it was a corrupt and infected situation. they called the school and threathened to report them if they didn't stop it. Martin quit two weeks later. My sister took hes place, but i had big difficulties with finding rust. I didn't dare to trust annybody.

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