The Road May Change
| "I can't trust you now, but I never did. I have no idea what will happen, but I sure don't want to have a thing to do with you at this point."
"Well," Jenny started to say, "you said you'll forgive him at some time, but you don't have much time left." It was clear that Jenny was offended, not for herself, but for her new friend.
"Autumn," that was the gentle voice of one of her male friends. Jenny still didn't have all the names straight. She heard that person walk toward Autumn's bed, but he didn't say anything more, so she had no idea what was happening.
"Well, just look at that--more insensetivity!" That was one of the nurses, and Jenny heard yet a third person gasp.
"It's not like she needs a reminder; she lives with it every day, you know." That was a man, and Jenny could tell that he had turned to face her. The next sound she heard was some sort of motor; it must have been something with the bed. At the same time, someone walked past Jenny and went toward the bed.
"You might need these," the girl said.
"What?" said the male who must have been sitting on the bed. "the box of tissues." she finished.
Oh yeah, I guess if I had been looking at you, I would have known." The boy's voice was still tense, but Jenny heard a trace of a smile. All at once, the series of sounds came together to create the whole scene. Oh no, she thought, sometimes my mouth still gets me in trouble. I have been working so hard with my therapist to work on my communication skills: thinking before I speak, finding words to build up instead of tear down, a tone of voice that is conversation level, rather than a bark. I can't believe I screwed up again, she prayed. Oh God, I just don't know if I can make this one right, but I'll try. Give me the words to say and the wisdom to know how to do this.
"I'm sorry," Jenny said, seeming contrite. "that was insensetive, and I forget that you're doing the best you can." Her tone was rather gentle, as compared to before, and she sounded sincere. Why am I so emotional? Autumn wondered. I I mean, why does everything make me cry? I feel so foolish for displaying such things. Why can I not ignore the barbs and focus only on my friends? Jamison says he still sees the person underneath all this, but I feel completely ugly inside and out...and some of these people just confirm that.
As Abbie and Sariah walked down the corridor, they talked about the unfoldingn drama in Autumn's room.
"I couldn't believe it when you spoke to Jenny in such a sarcastic manner, Sariah," Abbie began, "I mean, I've never heard you speak like that in my life!"
"Do you judge me for that?" Sariah asked quietly.
"No, and I'm surprised you haven't exploded before this, and your response to the events today were nothing likke an explosion!"
"I just can't stand to see this. I don't know what to do, but sometimes I feel like I can kill them all--Lance, Lynn, Jenny, although she did seem to be sincere."
"You know, Sariah..." Abbie's voice trailed off as they passed some other nurses, aides and doctors. "I have a suggestion, but that can come later."
Sariah was quite intrigued, and she didn't want to wait for this idea. Still, Abbie was right not to discuss such things right then. Sariah knew that several people had Autumn's best interests at heart--Jason, Abbie, me...Jamison, Nancy, Marla---maybe we should all meet to discuss this thing. Perhaps I'll set up a meeting, because they will all have some input.
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